He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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