i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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