shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
