last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
