do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize