Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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