I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize