my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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