Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
