Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she told me i tasted like america
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize