Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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