she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize