You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize