1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
