this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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