i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize