Swine flu. Run for my life!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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