haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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