normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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