the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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