My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
