I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
