STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
