you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
