were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
