i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
