Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
