It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
