On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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