i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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