dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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