Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
