Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
