So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The best revenge is premature balding
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
