It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
