i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
