I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
