He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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