Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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