I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
