My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
