If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
