Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
