you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
