Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
