Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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