just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
