in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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