I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
only if we run a train.
done.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If its not for food we ain't going out.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
