did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Randomize
