there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
