You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Houston, we have a blender
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
