I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
