It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
