Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
