Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
