Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize