Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
