ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
how drunk are you?
Several
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
