I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
