how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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