She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
