i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
