Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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