I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
