she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
