so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
