You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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