now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
